Are you a role model for your child – or trying to mould them ?

Is it good to shape a child on your own dreams?

It’s all too tempting to channel your children into a mini-me.  Yes they look up to their parents as super heroes who can do marvellous things, and there is a likelihood, that what ever example you set as a parent, they will follow.

How do your habits rub off onto your children?

If you munch on pizza and burgers in front of the TV each night, that precedent is set for eating unhealthily (both in manner and content).  If however you exercise, that too may rub off, and they will most likely follow our example to some degree, which in turn brings you great joy.  The obvious exception to this, is when you work for months to refine a yoga pose, and your 4 year old daughter walks straight in, does it, and goes on her way as if nothing ever happened (the experience of a face-planted crow!).

Is there a better way than forcing our children to follow

Rather than forcing our children to follow in our footsteps, making them have ballet lessons, toughening up the son with a good dose of winter rugby in the wind and hail and so on,  there are 4 clear stages in which we can help them build up ‘grit’ – a form of determination which will help them through life.

Four ways to help children through life

An Interest (and this needs to be encouraged rather than focusing on their weaknesses);

Deliberate and regular practise (to refine the skills);

A purpose (the long term reasoning about what it brings to others) and

Hope (that resilience that they will keep trying and moving forwards despite what comes their way).

You can read more in this article from Success magazine

Funnily enough, it is not just children who this applies to, it is us as well – especially when your 4 year old contortionist leaves the room with you in a twisted crumpled heap!

Together we can bring some Serenity to your life

 

Back to school – but do you know what your child actually does?

Do you know what your child does each day at school?

It is so easy to pack children off to school, taking it all for granted.  On the walk home, if you are lucky, you may find out what they had for lunch, maybe even the latest playground drama, but frequently very little (especially when the fancy dress reminder happens the next morning with 10 minutes notice).

How tough is school for children?

So, what do they actually get up to?  What is it they do?  Once we understand this, maybe we can then be a little more forgiving when the classroom angel turns into a frenzied tornado once they get home.  

Away from the confines and expectations of the classroom and need to conform, home is the safe haven, the place where they can feel at ease – even if that is somewhat different from how we perceive the ideal behaviour.

This article from the Huffington Post is a real eye opener as to what are children actually do each day – it’s impressive to say the very least !

So what do children do at school each day ? 

Choose any and all from this list – a creator, a thought leader, a mathematician, an author, a reader, an orator, a proof-reader, a scientist, a navigator, a sportsman, an artist, a negotiator – the list goes on! It’s even tougher if your child has challenges with their reading such as dyslexia – those children have to so much harder all day.

You can see what perhaps the angelic behaviour doesn’t exactly hold out until bed time.

What about you?

Turning to yourself, after a day of pressing the pause button between listening to co-workers apparent stupidity and responding in a far more professional manner, back at home, where it is unusual to be sacked, fired, or put on a warning, it is far easier to let fly with less than productive words.

Maybe both us and our children want the same thing after a day of controlling emotions – a snack, a snuggle, a story and an early bedtime.

 

Together we can bring some Serenity to your life.

 

How to cope with the stress of money

How bad can the stress of money get?

Aside from low esteem, lack of self worth, depression, PTSD and suffering from workplace bullying, another key factor which led my friend Del to die by suicide in 2013 was the stress of the financial future.  Worried that his illness could cost him his job, he could see no way forwards, no way to protect and provide for his family, and no outlook which seemed possible.  Tragically, I only knew of this after he died.

Who is there to help?

Had Del sought professional financial help instead of suffering quietly, allowing the stories of worry to spin out of control, without doubt we could have found a way to change his perspective, and work together to build a way forward.  Instead, he came up with his own financial plan, to protect his family’s financial future by choosing to die by suicide, relieving his own suffering and in his eyes, helping them.

Picking up the pieces, and working with Del’s wife Nel, we have been able to help, to give her purpose, and to bring a little sparkle back into her eyes at times, and that is the most worthwhile aspect of being a financial life planner.

Where-ever you are,  here are 6 stressful money situations highlighted by Business Insider which may seem difficult to avoid, yet are never the end of the road – there is always a way forwards …

How to deal with a financial emergency 

If you do not have capital saved, make sure you have an emergency credit card to fall back on.  This is a temporary solution, but will give you enough time to seek proper advice, and make a plan to move forwards.

Worrying about buying a home

Here is a stress-pit of worry.  How much should you borrow? Should you borrow as much as possible? Should you use all your savings? What protection should you have?

The questions are endless, yet can be answered if some proper planning and modelling is carried out.

 

How much should I save for retirement?

No two people are the same, there is no magic number which fits everyone.

Only when you know what you would value in retirement, can you start to figure out what you may need money-wise.

This is the importance of financial life planning – an approach which puts your life at the centre of the plan, not the monetary values.  You may be surprised, the qualities in life which you want may not required huge sums of money at all.

 

When should I retire?

Just like above, no two people are the same.

If you have a range of plans and ideas which need you to be fit and healthy, maybe you need to retire sooner.  If you love what you do, but can start to find a great balance between that and leisure, then there may be no reason to rush into it.

Either way, discussing a planning it is essential.

 

How much money should I give my children?

It’s hard to say no, and at the same time, many of us would rather see our children not have to struggle.

Making it too easy may not be a good thing, but saving it all up until you die – that too has it’s own perils.

Whatever you do, by adopting a balanced plan, and sensible approach, you could be able to help your children along, and at the same time, helping them value what they are given.

Above all, don’t deprive yourself of the fun you deserve later in life (but also, don’t aim to be the richest person in the cemetery).

 

How can I help my parents with their finances?

One of the trickiest conversations of all is talking about your parent’s money.

Naturally cagey, they may not want to volunteer the information (and is is hard to not look as if you are interested in an inheritance, particularly if they are unwell). Bring siblings into the conversation, and start the discussions well ahead of time to figure out what sources may be available for long term care funding, and of course, what wishes they have.  In the same way that you want to enjoy your life, they should be focussing on their days being as comfortable as possible, not scrimping and saving and trying to get one over on the local authority by not paying for care (saving the fees, but ending up in a grotty care home).

What to do next?

By proper planning, and discussing these issues with a professional, there is a chance that many of the most stressful money situations can either be avoided, or at least eased.

Please, please do not let them spin out of control stories in your head.  Ask for help, get a reality check, and let someone guide you onwards.

Find someone who speaks your language, who keeps things simple, and are focussed on you.  Financial decisions are hard enough to make at the best of times, never mind when you have huge levels of stress and worry to cope with.

 

 

6 Reasons Spending Time With Family is Important

It is all too easy to get caught up in the pursuit of career, work, hobbies, even obsessive about cleaning or just ‘stuff’ in general.  The downside of all of this, is that we miss those who are really the most important to us, those who we can be pretty confident will be there as we take our last breath. Continue reading “6 Reasons Spending Time With Family is Important”