Do you ever wake up and just lack energy, motivation and start to sink under the burden of the day ahead, worrying about everything which may or may not happen, and looking at everything with dread?
Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s a virus – there are probably loads of labels or reasons you may add to justify it – but maybe, there is something far more positive you could do. Continue reading “4 ways to improve the view of your day”
I am sure you can recall with familiarity with the school bully. That person who you tried to cross the playground to avoid, yet they always seemed to come after you.
It is not just at school where we see bullies. Maybe the same sort of person carries that on into adulthood, or maybe, the bullied becomes the bully when they get a little power at work. Continue reading “Bullying doesn’t just happen in the playground…”
Is it that people don’t know where to turn for help, or is it that they don’t WANT to ask for help ? Continue reading “What’s stopping you getting help today?”
The pace of life is so fast. There is little respite, you probably feel that you are just about hanging on there, and there is very little time to just ‘be’. Return from a holiday, and within no time you struggle to see the point of all the rushing before you go, and the immense game of catch up afterwards.
All of this frantic behaviour has a huge impact on health – both physical and mental, and whilst these impacts may not be apparent at first glance, over time, it will be evident for all to see. Just like weight gain or loss, day to day we do not notice, but catch up with someone you haven’t seen for a few months, and the impact is soon plain to see.
Six simple ways to gradually reduce your stress, so if you are a little reticent to stress management, you can make these changes safely, without feeling awkward about many other techniques which may just be a step too far.
Together we can bring some Serenity to your life
Very few people sail easily through every day of life (despite the impression they may give). What makes it even harder for seemingly robust people (and maybe you are one of these), is that the crash from performing for the audience (this could be workforce, employees, family or friends) to facing your woes seems far bigger and painful. Imagine having the best day ever, then the next morning you wake up and find that your world has collapsed. For some, this type of day comes along far more frequently that you might imagine.
I first met Dr James Rouse a couple of years ago (first watch this video). I was told to make sure I got to the front of the auditorium and to be as close to him as possible. Hearing from other Serenity financial life planners, I was told of the profound effect which his energy, enthusiasm and vigour had on them.
Aside from being a great speaker, incredibly fit, and full of energy, Dr James is unbelievably generous with his time. There is no ego attached, he goes about his day helping others, inspiring them, and encouraging enthusiasm. I had a great dialogue with him over the course of the conference, which meant so much to me, that a headline speaker would take the time to share his wisdom on a one to one basis.
In the video, James talks about dark days. This made me sit up suddenly, as he is probably the bounciest, happiest person I can imagine. Of course, behind what we show the world, there are frequently very different feelings. We have all heard of unhappy comedians for example.
Here are 4 particular attributes which contribute to dark days, and how to reframe how you are feeling :
I hope that you find Dr James as uplifting an inspiration as we do at Serenity.
Together we can bring some Serenity to your life
Here is a free gift – 3 minutes of your time – We simply don’t know the answer to the question of ‘why people post sporting activity on Facebook’. So now you can stop reading and carry on with your day.
I suspect however, that you are interested, so do carry on.
So, its first thing in the morning, and you read on Facebook that someone has just been out for a run. How do you feel? What do you think? What thoughts do you harbour towards them?
This parody may seem humorous, yet would it be an acceptable approach if someone morbidly overweight was trying to lose weight and stay on track by posting updates on FB? How about someone recovering from a physical or mental illness and posting updates to not only keep their social group involved, but also, to be accountable?
At a funeral of a friend (aged 43) recently, someone came up to me who I hadn’t seen for about 10 years, and said ‘my wife showed me a post on Facebook years ago when you said you were going for a run – we thought it was a huge joke’. 6 years later, 6 inches less around the waistline and almost 50 pounds lighter, he could see that there was no joking – but rather a huge change, mocking had turned to admiration and praise for me.
For me, from going from a sedentary couch potato, to someone who exercises at 4:30am is an ongoing journey, not a flick of a switch, no set goals or targets, just a sustained change of behaviour. Yes, I could have switched the Facebook and Twitter updates off, but we have a saying in Life Planning – ‘to be a life planner, you need to live your own life plan.’
How hypocritical would I be if I was coaching and working with my clients to improve their health if I led an unhealthy lifestyle? How much credibility would I lose if, when working with people to create more time, space and help prioritise their days, my day was lazy, lethargic, and detrimental to progress?
If you saw a dentist with bad teeth, what would you think? It is the same in all walks of life. Doctors who smoke! – surely that is one of the biggest levels of hypocrisy there is!
We are not health freaks at Serenity, but we do all take care of ourselves (and support each other), with a firm view on moving forward in our own life-plans.
People post their activity on Facebook etc. for reasons best known to them – the truth is, you really do not know why they do it (you may think you know, but actually, you don’t truly know all about their journey to this point in life). For some, it may be for irritation, bragging and boasting (which may originate from insecurity – so go easy on them), however, for many it is for reassurance, support, energy, the will to keep going, accountability. For others, it may be to offer a glimpse of inspiration to give others the belief that they too can make a huge change in their lives.
A runner never laughs at a fat or slow runner, you do not know how far they have come, or how far they have to go – but they are out there, working at it, one step at a time.
Don’t shift your own guilt by mocking others. The reality probably is, that you are simply angry and frustrated with yourself.
Back in the day (the 80s), if you came across a group of teenagers, the chances are that they were standing around, sharing their cigarettes, and engaging in some form of social interaction. It may not have been for everyone’s taste to walk through a tobacco smoke plume, but hey ho, those lads and girls were interacting – even it it was also causing early damage to their developing lungs. Continue reading “What’s more addictive – cigarettes or phones?”
It is generally easy enough to think nice thoughts about other people (it is actually easiest to criticise, but that is a topic for another day).
You may have noticed over the years, that very few people are telepathic, they cannot read our minds. If the FBI cannot find a source of telepathic people to be agents, it is unlikely that the people we meet day to day will have such skills. Continue reading “How can you improve someone’s day?”
Aside from low esteem, lack of self worth, depression, PTSD and suffering from workplace bullying, another key factor which led my friend Del to die by suicide in 2013 was the stress of the financial future. Worried that his illness could cost him his job, he could see no way forwards, no way to protect and provide for his family, and no outlook which seemed possible. Tragically, I only knew of this after he died.
Had Del sought professional financial help instead of suffering quietly, allowing the stories of worry to spin out of control, without doubt we could have found a way to change his perspective, and work together to build a way forward. Instead, he came up with his own financial plan, to protect his family’s financial future by choosing to die by suicide, relieving his own suffering and in his eyes, helping them.
Picking up the pieces, and working with Del’s wife Nel, we have been able to help, to give her purpose, and to bring a little sparkle back into her eyes at times, and that is the most worthwhile aspect of being a financial life planner.
Where-ever you are, here are 6 stressful money situations highlighted by Business Insider which may seem difficult to avoid, yet are never the end of the road – there is always a way forwards …
If you do not have capital saved, make sure you have an emergency credit card to fall back on. This is a temporary solution, but will give you enough time to seek proper advice, and make a plan to move forwards.
Here is a stress-pit of worry. How much should you borrow? Should you borrow as much as possible? Should you use all your savings? What protection should you have?
The questions are endless, yet can be answered if some proper planning and modelling is carried out.
No two people are the same, there is no magic number which fits everyone.
Only when you know what you would value in retirement, can you start to figure out what you may need money-wise.
This is the importance of financial life planning – an approach which puts your life at the centre of the plan, not the monetary values. You may be surprised, the qualities in life which you want may not required huge sums of money at all.
Just like above, no two people are the same.
If you have a range of plans and ideas which need you to be fit and healthy, maybe you need to retire sooner. If you love what you do, but can start to find a great balance between that and leisure, then there may be no reason to rush into it.
Either way, discussing a planning it is essential.
It’s hard to say no, and at the same time, many of us would rather see our children not have to struggle.
Making it too easy may not be a good thing, but saving it all up until you die – that too has it’s own perils.
Whatever you do, by adopting a balanced plan, and sensible approach, you could be able to help your children along, and at the same time, helping them value what they are given.
Above all, don’t deprive yourself of the fun you deserve later in life (but also, don’t aim to be the richest person in the cemetery).
One of the trickiest conversations of all is talking about your parent’s money.
Naturally cagey, they may not want to volunteer the information (and is is hard to not look as if you are interested in an inheritance, particularly if they are unwell). Bring siblings into the conversation, and start the discussions well ahead of time to figure out what sources may be available for long term care funding, and of course, what wishes they have. In the same way that you want to enjoy your life, they should be focussing on their days being as comfortable as possible, not scrimping and saving and trying to get one over on the local authority by not paying for care (saving the fees, but ending up in a grotty care home).
By proper planning, and discussing these issues with a professional, there is a chance that many of the most stressful money situations can either be avoided, or at least eased.
Please, please do not let them spin out of control stories in your head. Ask for help, get a reality check, and let someone guide you onwards.
Find someone who speaks your language, who keeps things simple, and are focussed on you. Financial decisions are hard enough to make at the best of times, never mind when you have huge levels of stress and worry to cope with.
Many of us acknowledge that the journey to work is a real drag, that arduous commute, changing from 1st gear to 2nd, or jammed into a stuffy bus or tube train. That is no way to make you feel uplifted and positive about the day to come – far from it!
According to research by the University of West of England (analysing 26,000 people over 5 years), not only has the commute time increased by 25%, but 1 in 7 spend more than 2 hours commuting every day – that is 10 hours a week!
An increase in stress and worsening of mental health for workers (not to mention the impact that then has on their families). There are of course only 24 hours in each day – so choosing how to spend them is a very important task indeed. Continue reading “How bad is commuting for your mental health?”
Escaping The Bucket 